realization..

i know i know, i posted an article just hours ago.. but it's my blog right? i have the privilege of doing what i want with it!

along with this post is a commitment or better yet, a resolution which i avow to strictly impose to myself starting today. nobody said anything that resolutions must only be made on new years..

just after i posted the blog preceding this, i made a realization. this is the only time that i have scrutinized my actuations since i was admitted in law school. how far have i gone? how bad have i been? and how did i come to be so fucking stupid? yeah.. stupid is the word!

after my lunch i stayed in pietro kaffee where i posted my "tell me" article. then shortly after i published it, i felt emptiness.. there was a deafening silence.. slowly engulfing my whole being! that's when i started to think and ponder. but like every commodity, there will always be scarcity. i crave for more answers.. i gave up! but then the thought continue to bother me even as i ride the taxi going to the park where i shall meet my friends.. apparently they are not yet here so i continued thinking.. until..

it dawned upon me.. i am what i am today because i allowed myself to become one. i have already told you in my previos blogs that i am a pleaser. and its my greatest vice. so far, there is no one to blame but me and me alone! thus my resolution(s):

firstly, I'M DONE HELPING EVERYBODY!

not that i will no longer do any effort at all but i want to be acquainted with the virtue of abstinence. dont help unless asked. mother theresa once said: "if you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." i guess its about time that i live with such words..

secondly, I'M DONE PLEASING EVERYBODY!

not that i fear of rejection but its been the primary reason why i feel so fucked up! this time around i would want to be more self centered, highly possessive and practical to the nth power! this time i promise to pamper myself with the things i want.. and the things i need.. and the things i used to take for granted and just give away. no more excuses. either a need or a plain want of luxury, i should have it! this time id be rude for others and more lenient for myself.

thirdly, and the most important of all,
I'M DONE ACTING LIKE A JERK FOR EVERYBODY.

you cannot fool me anymore. it's time that i get what i deserve. im done with all the giving and forgiving.. this time i want to see you do something for me.. and tell me in your own ways that i am appreciated.. that i am also loved.. that i am not mistaken for caring so much about you.. that i can cling on you, whenever.. wherever.. this time i want to you to prove me wrong!

i know this post will not reach to the person concerned in this blog since i never give him/her my link.. but i am hoping.. and i think it wouldn't hurt if i generally address this to everybody..

peace fellahs!