pressure again and again..

pressures doesn't seem to end in law school.. the first semester had been a hell of a struggle and now, the second semester is again ongoing.. we haven't even had our sembreak! the only consolation that we all have is the possible hope that someday there will be back pays! lol

right from the start, we were all warned that law school is and will never be easy. we all took the challenge but that doesnt mean we are no longer entitled to the right to complain from time to time.. i mean, helloo? we can only take the maximum and nothing more..

i am not complaining because i can't cope. i just wanted to feel that i am still a normal person.. there hasn't been much fun lately. just as they say, if you want something, you will never escape trading another thing for that. in my case, my social life.. good thing that on my early months in law school i have managed to party and study at the same time. i guess i couldn't do that any longer.. as we level up, it's getting a lot harder and stressful. cases seem to jumble in my head and since we already have knowledge of some laws, confusion get into play.

haizt! im missing my happy-go-lucky life before.. those times when i can watch a marathon of movies as i want.. those times when i can still go to sleep without any worry when i wake up the following day.. those times when fun is forever..

again, it's all wishful thinking now. :-(

relive..

yesterday, elyang had this self-help article with her when she went to school about handling a relationship or being happy.. dont really know the entirety of what it's all about but when she offered it to me, i refused to read it. not that its a piece of crap but i just dont want to pattern my life in accordance with a f0ur-paged-article.

we are all entitled to or own opinions.. and its evident that elyang and i don't share the same viewpoint in the matter.. nonetheless, she will always be a friend.

it has been a natural occurrence in the life every man to regret, in one way or another, those things which he shouldn't have done or the chances he failed to grab.. in the same token that for one reason or another, we all would wish to relive and redo everything as much as possible. others would even attempt to end his life in the hope of a possible rebirth.

life's mystery is endless.. those self-help programs may be effective for now but tomorrow or in the next couple of hours, it may not be..

turning tables around..

if others doesn't get the way you think or hates how you reacts, let them be or else you'll be in the same spot as they are.. understand even if others fail to do the same... then let's just pray altogether for their bereaved soul.. if love moves in mysterious ways, death comes in many forms..

losing a friend is painful but having them thru compromise, i think, is a lot worse. for a friendship coupled with a compromise is no friendship at all..

gone were the days of amicable settlements and compromises.. its now the era of eliminating excesses and throwing all the leftovers and craps into the recycle bin.. maybe there they would be a lot helpful.. lol

this is lost soul reconstructed, now signing in..

being mean..

i dont intend to be so mean, but i cant help it. sometimes, no matter how i try, the words seemed so elementary to spell out that it automatically spills in my mouth in an instant! thinking has been one of my asset, as they say, and some would even tell me that i am so caring and all, but just yesterday, everything seemed to be a joke to me. i laughed at somebody else's misery and even made a joke to someone who wanted to make an attempt to end his life..

a doctor told me once that being the "shock absorber" of the group as well as of my other friends, i am in the worst position ever.. and he pitied me for that.. do i deserve to be? i dont think so.. i even consider it a privilege on my part to be trusted with all of their secrets ad personal endeavors.. it's a hard gained thing that some person do not experience having..

but how come that the most trusted lost soul became the meanest adviser? i dont really know.. maybe im just so damn tactful of the fact that once you did something wrong, whoever you are, you will never gain a bit of my sympathy. no exceptions!

of course, this is not to say that it would be the end of the friendship. its not it.. i just dont want you to hear the words that you wanted. i am not your mother who can forgive or understand every infraction that u make, i am a friend who will never back off in telling you the things that you need to hear and the lessons that you need to realize.

this is me. take it or leave it.

enlighten me..

"..if there's smoke, there's fire.."

this is just a part of a text message i received from a friend.. relax, the message was not really for me, it was for my friend but he forwarded it to me in the hope of any advice that i can give to him in the problem he was facing.

the scenario encompasses many issues.. honesty, love, trust, and the principle of joy in not knowing..

honesty.. as always, this has been the major reason why relationships fail. more often than not, people tend to be overconfident with love alone, thinking that anything can be fixed in just a click of a finger when love sets in.. apparently, love wasn't that functional in the case at bar. for the poor soul was not able to stand the pain of a wrecked heart..

from the standpoint of the person betrayed, a realization that everything in their relationship were all lies was fixed. he loved with all his heart and believed in every detail the other party told.. i will not say that it is crafted, but as it sounded in the circumstances detailed by both parties, it's getting close to that point. plans were ruined, the love that was supposed to give him the happy ending that he was searching for ended with a love that never was..

as of now, he makes fun out of it. thinking that maybe, just maybe, had the fact remained undisclosed or unknown to him would make him feel otherwise.. nonetheless, it's all wishful thinking now.

the erring party, on the other hand, raises a defense of ignorance and lack of trust. that everything the other person knew, was just a plot made by a third party to personally ruin his image and destroy the relationship in the process..

now, who deserves my sympathy?

tired..

when we stop doing something, it's the point that we start to do the most tiring job that nobody wishes to be hired.. this is one of those things that whatever attempt we make into not falling in the trap, it just happens.. as if we are all bound to be in that place and time.. however brief that moment is, the tiredness is incomparable.. sometimes we're not even aware that we are already in such a situation.. all we know is that we feel so damn wasted and realize that we havent even done anything for the whole day!