being mean..

i dont intend to be so mean, but i cant help it. sometimes, no matter how i try, the words seemed so elementary to spell out that it automatically spills in my mouth in an instant! thinking has been one of my asset, as they say, and some would even tell me that i am so caring and all, but just yesterday, everything seemed to be a joke to me. i laughed at somebody else's misery and even made a joke to someone who wanted to make an attempt to end his life..

a doctor told me once that being the "shock absorber" of the group as well as of my other friends, i am in the worst position ever.. and he pitied me for that.. do i deserve to be? i dont think so.. i even consider it a privilege on my part to be trusted with all of their secrets ad personal endeavors.. it's a hard gained thing that some person do not experience having..

but how come that the most trusted lost soul became the meanest adviser? i dont really know.. maybe im just so damn tactful of the fact that once you did something wrong, whoever you are, you will never gain a bit of my sympathy. no exceptions!

of course, this is not to say that it would be the end of the friendship. its not it.. i just dont want you to hear the words that you wanted. i am not your mother who can forgive or understand every infraction that u make, i am a friend who will never back off in telling you the things that you need to hear and the lessons that you need to realize.

this is me. take it or leave it.