the worst curse scenario..

i have always been a fan of exaggeration and since there are no rules on grammar and sentence construction here in my freedom wall, i would like to qualify the word, in application to my attitude, being an oversensitive jackass!

of course, in line with such a statement, i would want to narrate my thoughts.. although this is not to say that this should be taken as a definite fact, please reconsider..

being in law school demands a huge amount of effort, time and analysis.. i guess this may explain it.. i sometimes tend to overly criticize just about anything.. from the words being uttered.. the messages being sent.. the arguments being presented.. and the acts done including the antecedent circumstances and the subsequent events thereafter..

similarly, i am a bit pessimist myself.. as ive said in some of my posts, im hopeful but never hoping.. in any problem that i have encountered i always try to deal with it negatively.. i know i may sound judgmental in a way but i have always loved the feeling of complete honesty that goes with negativity.. lemme put it this way, if i dont react negatively, i wont be able to get what i wanted as a reply.. from the words of logan, i dont want to be clouded by the beauty of endearing words. id rather be in the worst case scenario. the crispiness of the curses.. the sincerity in anger.. that's what i wanted to hear!

still puzzled? me too! lol

absent.

as i write this post, the whole class is undergoing a mental torture under our criminal procedure subject.. i wasnt able to reach my reading quota so i decided not to attend the class anymore. instead, i went to the library, read a couple of chapters, then here i am! lol. its not that i am afraid of the questions nor am i afraid to be shamed in front of my classmates but moreso for myself.. i dont want to deal on the matter though.. its a personal commitment.. and quite obviously, im failing to live by them..

right after lunch, i went to the library to return the book i borrowed, photocopied reviewers from buninay (i left mine at home) and i stayed in the office of my new friend for a short chit chat.. had coffee in bobs and pave my "so long".. for now, i dont have a pseudonym for him yet.. il think about it.. hehehe

first things first. i am not good, perfectly.. a number of friends have asked me why but i choose not to tell.. im not in my tell-it-all state of mind.. my life has been an open book but this time, i wanna invoke my privacy rights.. hehehe.. who knows, everything will be back to the way they used to.. besides the issue is still inchoate..

for those who had been trying to elucidate something from me, in the slightest hope that i might pop up an information, patawad po.. im also trying not to be persuaded.. for now.. lol

gud eve fellahs!

mad.

i wanted to grow back young.. back to the age when a single choco peanut can magically erase, like a pixie dust, all my problems and worries.. back when every single bite was a heavenly treat! how i wish peter pan would appear in front of me as i write this post and bring me to neverland! i would die for it!

again, im not in my normal self. i have successfully deceived the people around me into making them believe i am happy.. honestly, i am not. with the hope for comfort, i had a dose of my fave childhood candy.. but the magic was gone.

im mad. need i write more?

regrets...

lemme tell you something..

all the wonderful as well as those self destructing puzzles life has been giving us only proves one thing.. we are still alive. the joy will never be complete without these things.. vague as it may seem, there had been numerous write ups on the matter. gather all the foci and remain focused. period. i know, im not in the best position to say this.. but hey, im trying ok?! lol

more often than not, we feel trapped. betrayed. isolated. but we fail to realize that it is our very own self that led us there.

we suffer because we choose to suffer.. we are alone because we opt to detach ourselves.. we curse because we choose not to understand..

you might be wondering why im saying this things.. i know it contradicts my previous posts.. emotions.. thats what it is. as boys describes it.. climate change! hahaha

everday, we are bombarded with different kinds of issues. some are good, others are bad.. in legal writing, specifically case digests, there are always issues that needs to be properly stated and resolved depending on the subject matter. as a certain case may be applicable in civil law, criminal law or political law.. these issues are ussually patterned in the form of a question of whether or not blah blah blah.. again, why am i saying this? wala lang! hahaha

lately, though not academic, im faced with one issue.. the issue of whether or not, i should give in. not to the authorities but to a certain request.. until now, i know you will be reading this, i still dont know the answer. pardon me but i cant just do anything without deliberating it to my friends. in the first place, i myself, was also adopted by them. and i dont want to spoil my inheritance! hahaha. kidding aside, i dont want to loose them. if talking to you would mean me being hated, im sorry. but should they grant me the privilege, u can expect my call..

good day fellahs!

mixed emotions

sometimes, things happen so fast that our mechanisms control every bit of our being.. subconsciously, we do things we don't normally do and we'll just be surprised to find ourselves lying half-dead beside a cliff..

sometimes, we find relief in cursing.. in sarcasms.. every little letter, music!

sometimes, we want to blame others not just for the injuries and the loss but moreso for the pains.. the heartaches.. the sobs..

this time, can we not, even just for once, magnify the same? a little bolder. and worst!

palagpat..

i should be writing a legal article about a comparison between the Maceda Law as contradistinguished from the Recto Law now but my mind is battling on pondering other things. i give up. maybe after this i can work on what i ought to do.. hopefully. lol

been in a great storm lately. along with the constant pouring of rain is the piling up of my problems. i am struggling so to speak. good thing i have the best support group in the world - my friends! cheesy, i know.. but who cares?

somehow, things are slowly getting back to normal but the aftermath is a bit dreadful.. now it boils down to the question of going home and losing them or staying here, with them, and losing my chance of escape, or should i say my liberty.. its not that i am detained or something. i dont even need a writ of habeas corpus for that matter.. its just that i feel im missing something out.

i miss my previous jobs.. the work loads.. the not so lucrative salary.. i even miss going out in the middle of the night just to buy anything i dont even need.. i miss the park and waste a reasonable time doing nothing.. i miss them all..

lets just say i started stopping..

the pain finally set in.. i love him but i need some air.. a mind of my own.. a thing for myself..

when i decided to leave my family and rediscover the other side of life, i know someday, there will be regrets.. im 23 that time. a document analyst trying to cope up with the pressures of a not so ideal job.. i have a girlfriend who, by that time, happen to be taking her 2nd year in law school.. i have friends.. not so established.. but at least we ALL are not.. until suddenly, i woke up one morning, lying in a different bed, with a different residence, without my family, and all alone.

i have oftentimes wondered why and how the hell did i ever agreed in such a proposal. until now i cant still figure it out. maybe its the fear.. or maybe its just plain immaturity. either way, i am now suffering the consequences.

the other night, i wanted to party. hug my friends. see my best friend. and kill myself.

good thing, my mother called on the very moment. indeed, a motherly heart knows when her child is in pain..

for everything that happened, especially on the way i acted, to elyang, rakistah, ms late comer, officer miga, buninay, and best, thank you and my apologies..

to misaki, salamat.. what you did that morning was way beyond my expectation..