contentment

when you decide to choose an option so different from what you have been used to, you always end up thrashing something.. practicality wise, it has never been an ideal, but emotionally, despite all the struggles, all those pain and the always empty pocket, you feel something far more greater than happiness...

Lyrics | Oliver James - Greatest Story Ever Told lyrics

page one

you might wonder that after the love letter post, here i am again blogging on a different persona. the love letter was not really mailed.. it was just my way of rekindling the love that has slowly been dying.. but it never worked. rather, it made me realize one thing: i've fallen out of love with him.

then, another story started.. another promising journey that is making me alive again. i used to put high hopes on everything that i do before but it just frustrates me at one point or another.. i've learned my lesson now. i realized that it's better to live each day as the same passes. no more hopes. no more promises. zero plans. some of my peers even think that it's the life of a coward that im into right now. il settle for it. i am the master of my fate. i would like to believe that im leaving something great for something grand.. not financially but emotionally.

this is page one.

love letter

Love,

It’s been a while, yet nothing has really changed a bit. The last six years I’ve been with you has been the greatest thing that ever happened to me. You never left my side since day one. You were once a dream and I, a piece-o-shit waiting for his disposal. It was you who believed and trusted me when no one even dared. It was also you who had the courage to slap my face when I really needed one. You were my hero in a story unlikely of a fairy tale, but a fairy tale nonetheless. There was no damsel in distress but only a mighty prince but it was me who needed the saving. If all these, from the moment we met, will turn out to be a mistake, then destiny would have to think of everything there is to make me understand... Because surely, I will not allow anyone or anything take away the only thing that makes me want to wake up every morning... the only person I love.

I love you..

:-(

in a matter of days, the luxury that i am enjoying right now is about to end again.. the late morning wake-ups will soon be history and the "seemingly-a-lifetime-of-stress" will ruin my goody life again..

im not yet prepared for the battle that awaits.

downfall..

with a hundred and some coins left in my pocket, i am literally empty. and this one calls, again, for some pondering.. funny how this times can motivate me to think and write stuffs such as this. this is what others say that during those times when we are happy and satisfied, we tend to isolate and immerse ourselves into enjoying the moment in full satisfaction.. we tend to taste every last happy feeling that we can have and completely disregard those things that can completely ruin it.. this really makes sense and i wont be opposing that..

my second year in law school has been a helluva ride! there were some great moments but there were also moments when i almost thought of giving up.. and this is no metaphor. there were times when i thought that my efforts were paying off.. happy times when i felt being recognized.. but there were also those times when the recognition i'm getting is not the kind of recognition that i'm expecting.. im no saint. i admit that.. seems that there are some things which we think were innocently harmless would, in the long run, be 0ne wrong move towards our downfall.

needless to say, i'm a bit nervous on what's gonna happen this year.. im still positive though. i need more ammunition.. i can no longer risk my chance into finishing my personal goal. i need this more than anything. im preparing for the worst and praying for some miracles.. big word? let it be! im in need of that and a lot more!

pray for me. :-)

choices..

life can never run out of options.. this line makes me strong enough to face every endeavor i am in.. some options may be way too illogical but still an option nonetheless..

none of us would want to end up in the loosing end.. so we struggle to find the best win-win solution for everything. what we fail to consider is the fact that sometimes, those options that we think were ridiculous from the start would end up to be the most practical and beneficial choice. of course this is not to imply my expertise on dealing with my personal problems, as in my case, it's always been a difficulty..

hope this post would reach the person concerned.. honestly, i am not happy for what you are doing in dealing with your problem. im a friend. and sometimes a friend would just let go of some mishaps.. as you've noticed, i don't give my personal view on the matter, as it would definitely hurt you and a friend. i want you to be happy but i can't give any advice to which my being is in complete opposition with.. i don't want to fool you and i definitely want to make a joke on myself..

im not waging war and in no way saying that you are wrong. i guess we all have different ways of dealing things.. but in any rate, you will always have a friend in me. i remain.